Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
