you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
