she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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