Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
