its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
