she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
