Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
