I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
