If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
