Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
