So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
