we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
