I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
