Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
