I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
