is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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