the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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