Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
