Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
