They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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