the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
