And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize