he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
