my sisters under your porch take her home
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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