You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
