she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
