wake up i wanna do it froggy style
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
