just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
