Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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