Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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