Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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