a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
