i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When did angry sex become our thing?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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