Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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