i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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