i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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