Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
