Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
