Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
