I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
