She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
