the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My life is pants optional.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
