You smell like a Billy Joel song
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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