Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
