and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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