watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
