Kiss
Puke
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
