now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
