Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
