foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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