College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
