just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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