Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
