I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
