so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
