So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I want is dick and wine.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
