I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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