I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
