Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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