It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
