Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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