I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
