plz talk dirty to me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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