Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
