I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
