if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My first STD was from a foam party
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
