my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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