I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
