It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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