so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
