I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
zippers are such a cool invention
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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